Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
