My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
