we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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