I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
