I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
