good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
