wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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