hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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