I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
