I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
