I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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