the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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