It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
