So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
