My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
