More tranny stories later!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize