I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
