you would pick up someone in the library
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
