Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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