do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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