There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
