guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
