please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
