if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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