"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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