4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
