so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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