you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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