You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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