I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
