i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
MIDGETS
????
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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