How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
