my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
