At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The ass gains better be worth it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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