Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
