no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
