Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
