I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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