I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
