Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
