she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
