I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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