i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
