like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
