Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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