I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
