I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
even my farts smell like vagina
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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