11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
