im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
