Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
