did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
