good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
