And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
