I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
